It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of the merc with a mouth. Admittedly, I haven’t been there since New Mutants #98, but I have been since the initial X-force run a few months later. That means I’ve been following Marvel’s baddest anti-hero since I was twelve years old, and aside from a few minor missteps, the character has been handled incredibly well for most of his history. And now, against all odds, a film adaptation of Deadpool has arrived that is true to the source material. It is irreverent, violent, and funny as hell. Pretty much perfect.
Back in 2009 a small comic company held a writing contest, asking for short scripts featuring major, established characters. Basically fan fiction comic scripts. I took this opportunity to put together a fun story featuring Deadpool and Howard the Duck. It didn’t win the contest, but it got a few laughs on message boards back in the day. I’d like to take this opportunity to present it now on my current forum.
Note- the music choice matches up to the original leaked footage. Great minds and all that…
Marvel Team Up: Deadpool and Howard the Duck
PAGE ONE (Splash Page)
Panel 1. This scene takes place in the dining room of a middle eastern restaurant named Baghdad Palace. The chairs and tables are all broken up, like a bar fight has just gone under way. Deadpool is holding a pair of sais and standing back to back with Howard the duck. Howard is in a defensive stance, but still managing to keep his cigar in his mouth. Surrounding the two are a dozen Arab warriors bearing scimitars.
CAP:
Now.
DEADPOOL:
Any brilliant ideas, Daffy? Preferably ones that don’t involve cross-dressing like your wascally wabbit pal.
HOWARD:
I hate you, Wade.
DEADPOOL:
I get that a lot.
PAGE TWO (Five Panels)
Panel 1. Howard the duck is driving along in his cab. He looks grumpy and is flicking though the radio stations.
CAP:
Four hours earlier
HOWARD:
Lousy skrulls crippled the economy. How’s a duck supposed to make ends meet if no one’s tipping?
Panel 2. Howard has stopped flicking through the stations as he pauses at a red light. He is stretching out his arms in a gesture of weariness.
HOWARD:
Well at least the day’s almost over.
RADIO (ELEC):
…is bananas, b-a-n- a- – –
Panel 3. This panel is shot from outside the cab. Though the cab is in the panel, the camera is angled up slightly so that we can see Deadpool falling through the air, as if thrown off a building. He’s on a collision course for Howard’s cab.
CAP (HOWARD):
Not like much more can go wrong.
Panel 4. Deadpool crashes down through the windshield of Howard’s cab. Howard flinches and screams.
SFX:
Crash!
HOWARD (burst):
Quack!
DEADPOOL:
Ouch.
Panel 5. Deadpool, lying on the hood of the cab, looks up at Howard.
DEADPOOL:
Oooh! I love this song!
RADIO:
This s*%# is bananas – –
PAGE THREE (Five Panels)
Panel 1. Howard is using his quack-fu style to battle a four armed warrior bearing a scimitar in each hand.
CAP:
Now
HOWARD:
This isn’t fair! This guy has four arms! Who the hell has four arms?!
Panel 2. Deadpool is fighting three of the warriors and looking over his shoulder at Howard.
DEADPOOL:
So says the talking, cab driving, kung-fu duck.
Panel 3. Howard strikes his adversary in the groin with a vicious upward blow.
HOWARD:
It’s called quack-fu, you Young Blood reject!
Panel 4. Deadpool is dispatching two more warriors. There aren’t any enemies left standing in the background.
DEADPOOL:
Watch it, General Gao. That’s my fourth wall and no one breaks it but me.
Panel 5. Deadpool is facing Howard while wiping off his sais. Howard is pointing past Deadpool and shaking a little. He is completely unaware that behind him is a seven foot tall Djiin with flaming eyes.
DEADPOOL:
Should be smooth sailing from here on in.
HOWARD:
Um…Wade.
PAGE FOUR (Five Panels)
Panel 1. Howard and Deadpool are sitting on the hood of his cab in an empty parking lot. The two are discussing the events that led to their meeting.
CAP:
Two and a half hours earlier.
HOWARD:
So you’re telling me that you were thrown off a building by an assassin working for a middle eastern demon cult?
DEADPOOL:
Correctamondo.
Panel 2. This shot is a close up of Howard with a speculative look on his face.
HOWARD:
And that this demon cult uses the restaurant, Baghdad Palace, as a front for its occult conspiracies?
DEADPOOL (OP):
Uh huh
Panel 3. Howard is now pacing in front of Deadpool.
HOWARD:
And you say that if I help you steal some ancient scroll from these guys that it’ll make us rich?
Panel 4. Deadpool puts his arm on Howard’s shoulder and looks up into the sky.
DEADPOOL:
You’ll be richer than your uncle Scrooge.
Panel 5. Howard starts getting back into his cab and gesturing Deadpool to join him.
HOWARD:
All right. I’ll drive.
PAGE FIVE (Five Panels)
Panel 1. Deadpool and Howard stand over the body of a dead Djiin. There is an array of Deadpool’s weapons stuck in the corpse. Both Howard and Deadpool look to be in rough shape. Their clothes are scorched and torn and they are both catching their breath.
CAP:
Now
DEADPOOL:
All right! Let’s go get rich.
HOWARD:
This scroll better be everything you say it is, Wade.
Panel 2. Deadpool is leading the way into another room. He’s looking back toward Howard as he walks.
DEADPOOL:
Oh, it’s everything it’s quacked up to be.
HOWARD:
Please stop talking.
Panel 3. The two companions have entered a sacred chamber. In the center of the room an ancient scroll sits on a pedestal.
DEADPOOL:
Payday!
Panel 4. Deadpool carefully unrolls the scroll and looks at it in wide eyed awe. Howard is trying to look up at it and see what the big deal is.
HOWARD:
So what’s so special about this scroll anyway? Does it hold some ancient, mystical secret?
DEADPOOL:
Oh does it ever!
Panel 5. Deadpool throws his head back and outstretches his arms in a gesture of super villainous victory. Howard’s head is pointed down and he’s palming his face. He’s filled with disgust and frustration.
DEADPOOL:
It’s ours now! The ultimate falafel recipe! We’ll be rich, chicken-man! Rich I say!
HOWARD:
I hate you, Wade.
CAP:
The End
